I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
