I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
