I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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