My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
