Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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