Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was CRYING into my vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
