My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
