so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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