just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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