Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
