You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
