im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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