i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
