Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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