She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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