I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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