Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
