I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
