Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
