made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
