you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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