Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
