i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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