Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
