my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
