My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
