Swine flu. Run for my life!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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