nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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