Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
