I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
