I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was like getting head from an anaconda
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
