i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
