no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
