We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
