he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
