he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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