i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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