Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize