Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
