I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize