In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
