Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wear drunk well.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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