I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
