Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
