Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
