yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
