I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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