a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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