Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
