I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
