i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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