Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
