I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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