On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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