that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
