Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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