I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
