I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
