I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
