Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
