He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
