I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
