You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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