we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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