I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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