i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i love accidental penises.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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