idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize