blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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