You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
